whether we like it or not...

It's a new year. The time for resolutions to be made, or renewed, or resurrected from the recesses of our mind where they died about 3 weeks into the beginning of last year.

I myself chose to be a little more proactive in reading Scripture on a daily basis. There are days where I have plenty of time, can sit with the Lord, and really enjoy my time in His word. But, there are other days where I am running around, busy, and my plate feels a little too full. Those are the days that it gets hard for me to crack open my Bible and spend good time with Him.

So, in an attempt to be better at this (and not so I can feel good about myself and call myself a good little Christian, but so I can keep my sanity and stay grounded in truth throughout my day), I have signed up for some daily readings to be sent to my email, in hopes that it would give me some consistency and some guidance.

So, this first batch of readings is focused on prayer, and the other day the passage was from Jeremiah 42. God's people are asking Jeremiah to talk to God on their behalf; they want to ask God for direction, for what to do next.

Verses 4-6 go like this (from the Message):

⁴Jeremiah the prophet said, "I hear your request. And I will pray to your God as you have asked. Whatever God says, I'll pass on to you. I'll tell you everything, holding nothing back."

^5-6They said to Jeremiah, "Let God be our witness, a true and faithful witness against us, if we don't do everything that your God directs you to tell us. Whether we like it or not, we'll do it. We'll obey whatever our God tells us. Yes, count on us. We'll do it."

I read this part, and I'm like, "hey, that's awesome."

Then, I finish the chapter. And the next. Wow.

So, long story short, Jeremiah prays to God, 10 days later, God answers. And it is not the answer the people want to hear. So what do they do? They call Jeremiah a liar and pursue their own way, despite the fact that God warned them about what would happen if they didn't listen to Him.

So as I thought about this, I thought to myself, "How many times have I sat before the Lord, asking for wisdom, discernment, or direction, claiming with my mouth that 'no matter what, whether I like it or not', I'm willing to do what He asks, then I go ahead and choose my own way when I don't like the response?"

Probably more times than I'd like to admit to. It doesn't even have to be something like this story, where He says "dont go here" and I do it anyway. I can choose my own way by continuing to worry about something He's offered to carry for me. Or I can continue to doubt that something will (or won't) happen despite hearing Him say, "I got this one under control."

Going back to Jeremiah, what kills me about this particular story is the message that the Israelites reject. It's not like God said, "Hey guys, you need to suffer a lot, so I am going to make sure the King of Babylon never lets you into your land, and he's probably going to be pretty harsh with you guys, too". THIS is what they rejected (v.9-12):

^9-12He then spoke: "This is the Message from God, the God of Israel, to whom you sent me to present your prayer. He says, 'If you are ready to stick it out in this land, I will build you up and not drag you down, I will plant you and not pull you up like a weed. I feel deep compassion on account of the doom I have visited on you. You don't have to fear the king of Babylon. Your fears are for nothing. I'm on your side, ready to save and deliver you from anything he might do. I'll pour mercy on you. What's more, he will show you mercy! He'll let you come back to your very own land.'

These guys were rejecting promises of protection, provision, and another chance to choose faithfulness and reap the rewards of it. All because, frankly, they weren't ready to "stick it out" like God said. It wasn't what they had in mind. It didn't fit their plan, their idea of how things should pan out, etc. Their hearts were already set on their own way before God ever gave an answer.

Sometimes, the truth of the matter is I am just not ready to "stick it out"; I have my own idea of how my life should be going. It could be something on a smaller scale, like sticking with a workout regiment or healthy eating (because that requires discipline and, heaven forbid, I have to deny MYSELF! sheesh!). It could be on a bigger scale, like sticking it out with living as a foreigner day after day, coming up against all the things that can rub me the wrong way about this culture, this language, this spiritually dark place. I admit that more than once I've approached the Lord with an appearance of humility, asking for help and direction, yet I'm fooling no one - not even myself.

Thankfully, His grace is sufficient and His mercies are new every morning. When I have seasons where the "self" is rearing it's ugly head more than I care to see, I feel His gentle nudges of conviction and truth, guiding me to a right heart with Him. If I am praying for wisdom - if I am asking my Maker, the one who set this whole world in motion - for guidance, then chances are His answers will be for my good. I might not like them - I might want to do what the Israelites did and throw a tantrum, saying "no way, that can't be right" - but I can trust them.

And trusting Him is exactly what I need to do the most. There are plenty of things for me to be praying for these days. There are hopes, dreams, problems, heartaches, and brokenness abounding in my prayer life. I pray that I will trust His leading and follow through on it, whether it's:

• comfortable
• convenient
• easy
• what I wanted to hear

or whether it's:

• stretching
• inconvenient
• difficult
• humbling

I want to be able to speak, without hesitation, "Count on me, whatever You say, I'll do". Because ultimately the Lord is growing me, maturing me into a daughter who looks more like her Kingly Father each day. So here's to looking less like a tantrum-throwing-back-in-the-day Israelite, and more like a where-He-leads-I-will-follow daughter.

2011 Recap

It's New Year's Eve. Tonight we'll be playing games and waiting for the arrival of a brand new year. I have learned that you never know what will come with a new year. There have been plenty of moments where I wait expectantly for something at the beginning of a new year, thinking "THIS will be the year...", only to find myself at the end of that year wondering why things didn't change or come to be in the way I had thought they would. On the flip side, there have been years that have started out one way, then ended with a few twists and turns that I never saw coming. In either case, trying to predict what will happen, or anticipate the unexpected, is tricky business.

So here's to trying to embrace life one day at a time, scheming less, and not missing out on what God might have in store for me, no matter how "out of the box" it might seem. I mean I live in Africa, that's already putting me outside of a lot of boxes! I want to be gracious and mature enough to accept the challenges life can bring, and I want the eyes to see the blessings and gifts God has given me in living this 'outside-the-box' kind of life.

Here's a few things that 2011 brought my way that shaped the year for me:

• This tiny, little thing happened in January where I live (ok, I guess a "revolution" isn't so tiny). While I wasn't here when it happened, I returned about 3 weeks afterwards and the rest of the year has been filled with protests, strikes, campaigns, political parties out the wazoo, elections, speculations, and a country who is speaking their mind more than they ever have in the past 20ish years.
• Babies everywhere! My job security continues to increase with each new birth. This year saw the arrival of twins in Feb. Helping out a family with 3 kids in diapers (their oldest was under 2 when the twins arrived) is...well, a lot of diapers:) Another family had their first little guy in September. All the kids continue to grow, and this year I transitioned from teaching Kindergarten to one boy to teaching preschool to two girls....all I have to say is, BIG difference!! I love both and it's been so fun teaching all these kids!
• Roommates - I have had 4 roommates this year! I started out the year with my roommate for the past 2 years, Gabriela, but then moved in April to live with my friend Cerena. This was the first time in my life that I bought appliances, furniture,etc for a home. I NEVER knew that I would be doing it all in broken Arabic! So I officially have a house with adult furniture (as opposed to my thriftier, junkier college furniture days)! Anyway, I lived with Cerena for about 4 months before she moved back to the States. Enter roommate #3, Lauren. Lauren was an intern who was spending a semester abroad for college and she was around til the beginning of Dec. About 3 weeks after Lauren arrived, roommate #4, Val, came into the picture. Now most of you know Val and I are pretty great friends and have lived together in the past, so I was pretty excited to have her move to Africa!
• Visa trips - I was lucky enough to go to Rome, London, and Goochland (what, that's not exotic sounding to you??) for my visa trips this year. My friends in Rome have always been gracious to let me stay with them, and this time I was able to travel with Cerena, so it was GREAT to not do a trip alone! London was a new place for me (if only I had lots of money and a great accent, I'd fit right in). My friend Anna opened her home up to me and I loved going from 100+ temps in Africa in August to a cool 65 degrees in London. But my favorite trip was of course going home to see my family! I got 2 weeks of quality fam time in over Thanksgiving. Seeing my nieces grow (2 were baptized this year) and getting a chance to spend time together is always a blessing.
• The weight loss journey continues (although it's needing a little kick start with all these holidays and yummy treats around). I can't entirely remember where I was this time last year, but I think it's safe to say I've lost about 35lbs this year, with my overall (almost 3 yrs) loss being close to 90lbs. I was technically at 90, but the aforementioned treats have done their damage....so "close" will suffice for now:) I write this not to brag, but to hold myself accountable to the fact that I just told the world how much I've lost, so I better keep it up!!

There are so many other things I could write about (turning 30, hitting new levels of growth and frustration with language, holiday parties galore, celebrating miracles and grieving losses with friends, etc), but I will end with some random pictures from the year. I am thankful for this year and the growth it brought me, and I pray 2012 will be rich with the Lord's presence!

Trevi Fountain, Rome (my favorite place in Rome)

The power of Photo Booth to entertain while babysitting

Teaching little ones to blow bubbles:)

Westminster Abbey, London

Christmas ornaments from my preschoolers:)

Merry Christmas!

Christmas tree...check.

Presents from loved ones...check.

Cookies filling the kitchen....check.

It looks like Christmas in our apartment. We have decorations all around, Christmas songs playing throughout the day, and sweets overflowing!

This year I spent Christmas here in Africa. I am thankful that I had the chance to go home and do some early Christmas celebrating with my family. I am also thankful for Skype that helps me stay connected to them when the miles are between us. This Christmas I was able to spend it with my "African" family, which was filled with meals, gifts, songs, and fellowship. It was great to feel like everyone was celebrating this special day, even if its just a few households within the millions of people living in our city.

Remembering Jesus, the gift of His love, and the story of His birth is enough to fill my cup to overflowing. Knowing that angels proclaimed "peace on earth" at His arrival...it gives me a thankful heart that I have that peace, and that it is there for the taking.

So, in the midst of presents, phone calls, movies, and baking, I am ever-mindful of the best gift ever given. In Psalm 145 it tells us that God has compassion on all He has made. How compassionate of Him to send a Savior for us. How compassionate to see our biggest need and meet it.

Thank you Lord for your indescribable gift! And thank you for people to share this Joy with each year....whether near or far, our hearts are held together intimately in His hands. Merry Christmas to the world!

Here we have a few pics and a video: The kids were learning about Jesus being born, Val and I hanging out on Christmas, and Kyler and Gabby dancing to Christmas carols.

sick day

Today I am curled up on my couch, drinking tea, looking at our Christmas tree....and coughing up a lung, sniffling, and feeling lethargic. Oh sick days...I don't have them too often, but today is one of those days. While I try to keep my germs to myself by staying home, I figured I would try to catch up on some stuff, including blogging.

I went home for thanksgiving and it was great! I loved seeing my family and even a few friends. I ate way too much yummy American food, watched some Christmas movies with the fam, celebrated Thanksgiving and early Christmas with them, and just enjoyed being home for a while. Here are the 3 younger nieces helping get some early Christmas baking in. Time with my nieces is always a highlight of going home.

After 2 weeks in the States, I came back to Africa and jumped back into the routine. The kids keep getting bigger, and its fun to see them develop their own personalities and quirks. One of the families I help has twins, they are about 10 months old, and they are CUTE. Here I tried to catch them doing this "scrunch your nose and breathe heavy" thing that they were both doing to each other...but of course, when the camera is on, the performance ceases. Vera did a little though:)

Moving on to the older crowd, Gabby and I are good buddies these days. Between preschool twice a week and getting some one-on-one time once a week with babysitting (big bro is in school, little bro naps), we get some good time in together. Since December is in full swing, the prep for Christmas baking has begun. This week she and I made sugar cookies. She wanted to taste test each batch, and kept informing me that she'd have to eat the broken cookies. So helpful:) Please note the tiara and apron are essential to looking good while baking.

Well, that's about it for now. Time to take some cold meds and veg out for a while!

the big 3-0!

Well....whether I like it or not, I'm done with my 20's.

This week I turned 30. It's weird to not be in my 20's, and to be in my 30's living in Africa, single, living a life I never knew I'd live when I was in college and 30 felt so far away.

While life is different, it isn't bad. I have some amazing people in my life who spoil me rotten and treat me like a million dollars, and this week has been basically full of celebrations, gifts, cake, more sugar, shopping, etc etc etc. I am incredibly blessed and I know it:)

Here's a few pictures of the past couple of days. I had my language teacher treat me to lunch and getting my nails done, then my wonderful "family" here took me to a hotel on the beach for the evening where we played games, ate cake (made from ingredients sent by my mom!), and just enjoyed being out together. I love these ladies a ton and am thankful for friends like them.

Surfacing

It has been a good long while since I've written anything.

There's a few factors involved in the lack of writing. A major one was taken care of this week when I finally got internet at my house (six months after moving). Thanks to friends who help me get it done...community is a wonderful thing! Along those lines, just getting things around the house, having new roommates move in, settling into a new schedule for the fall....it's been busy, to say the least.

Another factor - what to say. Sometimes I have several ideas of what to share about, and other times I'm like "well....what do I say?". This is one of those times. So I will share a hodgepodge of things as I make my way back into this blogging thing.

What's new since July (last time I had anything on here):

• I have two new roommates, Lauren and Val. Lauren is an intern who is here a total of 4 months (we're about halfway through at this point). She arrived the same day that my old roommate, Cerena, left to return to the US. Val is here to teach and while I say she's a "new" roommate, in reality she's practically a sister. I've lived with her before in the US and I feel pretty spoiled to have her on this side of the ocean to do life with again.
• I am back in the world of teaching preschool. My kindergarten student from last year is now in 1st grade with teacher Val, so I am teaching his sister and another little girl in the world of preschool. So, 2x a week, these excited little girls show up at my apartment and ask me "what are we going to learn today?". Right now, we're working our way through the colors, the numbers 0,1, and 2, and the letters A and B. They have also been working on writing their name.

What's been on my mind these days:

• Today is a big day where I live, elections are being held and there's a bit of "unknown" that lies ahead. While it's not a presidential election, it's still the first step towards a new government here and I just don't know how it will go, who will win, what it will mean for day to day life here.
• I have been finding myself needing the word of the Lord to penetrate my mind these days. Whether it's needing wisdom or encouragement or whether it's needing to share wisdom and encouragement with my community around me, I just find that His word meets needs that nothing else can. So I am trying to be better about really getting it into my brain and my heart!
• In 24 days, I am going home to visit my family for a couple of weeks. It's been since the beginning of February since I've seen them, and I know with the life I choose to live, 10 months isn't too shabby - so many people don't get to travel overseas to see family as often as I do. But still, 10 months is a good long while and I am ready to have some hugs from my nieces and meals with my parents and enjoy the company of my family and enjoying some favorite things about fall in the states.

What I've been enjoying these days (on the completely shallow end of the spectrum):

• I am enjoying the weather cooling down and getting to bust out some long sleeves now and again. It's just so nice to not sweat all day every day. Thanks Jesus for seasons!
• Fall brings new TV seasons, and I love watching TV and feeling "American" - even if it's off the computer. Hanging out with Jim and Pam (the Office) & Leslie and Ron (Parks and Rec) brings some laughter and fun into my week.
• Making chai lattes at home is basically heaven. Thanks to Val bringing in a little frother, and thanks to people mailing me chai, I can have "fall in a cup" whenever I like:)

summer

Top 5 associations I have with summer in North Africa:

1. HEAT - it's hot, like 100+ degree hot. I sweat when I walk to class at 7:30 in the morning. Not like a little drop of sweat on the forhead....no, this is "get out a tissue and wipe the sweat pouring off your head/hair/neck" kind of sweat. And of course the locals aren't really sweating...just white foreigner me.

2. SMELLY - Hot trash stinks. Burning trash stinks. Hot sewer grossness stinks. People who fail to bathe and use appropriate hygiene products stink. Summer is just a smelly season here.

3. NAP TIME - People here shut everything down during the afternoons. Taxis are scarce, lots of businesses are closed, and aside from a couple of bigger stores, nothing is open. So, if you are looking to get things done, errands run, etc you better do it before 12:3o or 1. Otherwise you have to wait til 4, and some businesses don't even re-open after closing for the afternoon.

4. RAMADAN - Now ramadan isn't always in summer, but it has been these last few years, so it's what I think of. People are fasting, not drinking water, and thus they are hot, cranky, uncomfortable people for an entire month. At sundown, they eat, watch TV and stay up til 2 or 3 a.m. It's even harder to find taxis, stores are closed, restaurants are closed, and there's nothing to do.

5. WEDDINGS - People go crazy for weddings here. They have multiple evenings of meals, parties, etc and it's an expensive thing for sure. Sometimes the bride changes dresses 3 or 4 times. Weddings don't start until after 9pm usually, and can go until 1 or 2 a.m. They involve lots of LOUD music. I wish I could really communicate just how loud it is. Not like "oh I couldn't quite hear you, speak up" but more "you are yelling at me and I still have a hard time understanding you". You see a few foreigners bring their earplugs to help, but even with those, your ears are ringing after you get home. Here's a picture and a video of a wedding I went to recently: